plus 
and a little 
equals 
Poor med students. Sometimes there just aren't enough real bodies to go around for practicing procedures like.. well, delivering babies. So in Korea they decided to create a robot mother who gives birth to a robot baby so that med students can perfect their skills at delivering ... well, robots.
Wow. There's a spray-on condom now. Seriously. The guy just inserts his penis in this apparatus and a spray coats his entire penis with latex. The dude, however, has to be sure he coats his member evenly. It's like a fake tan but not. It's a contraceptive. Only, apparently it's not fake. It's available in Germany. Let's get it here. Yesterday, already! I'm sick of being hormonally abnormal - normally - because I have to swallow the pill - which, by the way, also increases my chances of blood clots and heart attack and, since I smoke, DEATH. Just for some (usually) lousy sex. So guys. Seriously. Spray it on. Evenly. And we'll love you more for it. Or, at least, consider having sex with you.
<>
PLUS 
EQUALS 
Fetus in Fetu.
It's a real medical term and it really happened. A baby boy was born in Chile on November 15th with a fetus inside his stomach. Though it's very rare, 'f-in-f' happens when one twin becomes trapped inside another during pregnancy. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15879296/
Luckily, the baby was spared any agonizing abortion decisions since the fetus did not survive.
Gore-Tex.
Yeah, the stuff your ski jacket is made out of -- the fabric engineered for weather protection and safety -- is being used as a heart band-aid by doctors. A Florida boy was born three weeks ago with a heart outside of his chest. The doctors wrapped gore-tex around the sucker and put it back inside his chest - where it belongs (in case you were confused on this point of anatomy). Now, his heart will always remain warm and dry during camping and ski trips -- which should come in useful in Florida. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15857266/
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
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After Tom Cruise's ridiculous tirade against her and her post-partum depression, Brooke Shields decided to attend TomKat's wedding in Italy. Why? No, really. Why? First of all, men who think they know anything about pregnancy or pregnancy-related issues should either be gynecologists or hermaphrodites. Second of all, unless you've suffered from depression yourself, please refrain from judgement. And THIRDLY, if you're a scientologist, your opinion does not really count -- at least not in the world of sanity, fact-based reasoning, non-science-fiction-writing messiahs who believe we're embodied by warfaring aliens... and REALITY. SO... Brooke. Seriously, what were you thinking? But, in case you have a taste for this sick scientology heroin, like I do, here's a link to a bunch of wedding photos. They include snapshots of guests like Will Smith and Jim Carrey and the Beckhams and... really, I think that's all they could round up. Except for crazy Italian fans, hanging out of windows taking digital photos. Here you go: http://www.newsday.com/entertainment/news/wire/sns-ap-on-the-net,0,4098167.story?coll=sns-ap-entertainment-headlines |
Friday, November 17, 2006
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See newsday.com And, really, we should star caring about the polar bears. After all, they're bears too. |
Thursday, November 16, 2006
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Yes, according to CNN - that bastion of unbiased and informed news - we should all begin polluting in order to save our pristine planet. Some Nobel Laureate even advocated the idea (this might be related to that story of how they're legalizing marijuana for professors in Canada... maybe not). So throw those used Starbucks coffee cups you have in your car directly onto the sidewalk - or better yet, the manicured lawn of a nice craft-style home in West Hollywood. Do not pass Go, proceed directly to your nearest SUV dealership and buy, buy, buy. When you stub out your cigarette, chuck it DIRECTLY into one of those drains with the dolphin etchings so it can go straight out to sea. Leave your heroin needles (or any contaminated needles) in the sand at the beach or where someone with bare feet can step on them. If you have sex in the park with a stranger, don't throw the condom away, leave it under a tree to fester and stink and, hopefully, spread some sort of skin disease. And, for god's sake, stop recycling. Or if you do, throw shit in there that will really contaminate the whole process. It's really very easy to pollute - if we all set our minds to it - and it requires minimal effort. After all, there's always a public place - be it park, sidewalk, fountain or stream - for trash and toxic paint. So let's all throw away our environmentally-friendly toilet paper and buy ANYthing packed with chlorine. Start a campaign: call Al Gore and tell him enough already with the "ooh boo hoo polar bears are drowning," "we're at the risk of losing continents" and to focus on important things like how to make common hardware products more toxic and sniffable. We can all do our part. So join me in the effort. Let's pollute and... we can... um... make the planet cooler? http://edition.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/11/16/smog.warming.ap/index.html |
Apparently Michael J. Fox is faking - or at least exaggerating - his illness. Apparently, when Kerry referred to young people educating themselves he meants as a means of avoiding service to our country - not of voting in foolish politicians who would make foolish decisions a la Bush. Apparently, when we found weapons of mass destruction, there was indeed evidence of weapons and not just a pile of old periodicals referencing the fundamentals of Islam.
Apparently, there are a bunch of apparentlies. And apparently, I am just one of them.
Because, apparently, I've caved into the illusion that exhibiting 'apparents' means telling the truth.
